Mind Matters | Relationship concerns
I’m a 22-year-old student in a long-distance relationship. We have been in one for a while now, but it feels like we’re drifting apart. We used to communicate well and manage time for each other despite being in different time zones. But that doesn’t happen anymore. I try to understand that he has a lot going on with his work and studies. But is it so hard to manage some time and send a few messages? I wonder. He apologizes and says things will change when I try breaking up. But it’s the same thing every day. I feel cheated and I’m tired of dealing with this. Please help.—LM
Answered by Aditya Dongol, psychosocial counselor, Happy Minds
In long-distance relationships, conflicts are common because of time differences. It’s not the same as being in the same region. In most cases, couples complain that their partner isn’t doing the bare minimum to keep the relationship going. Sometimes they run out of things to say in a conversation. Gradually, the genuineness seems to fade away.
There are a few things they do that can be considered red flags like making excuses, lying, gaslighting, not being emotionally committed, and, in particular, not communicating properly. It seems like you are trying to talk to your partner but you aren’t having constructive discussions. Usually, both parties in a relationship are guilty of having high expectations. Not knowing where you stand in a relationship, might make you anxious. So, it’s best to express your expectations clearly and tell them how you are feeling.
Sometimes partners do things for the sake of doing them. They make empty promises and ask questions just for the sake of it. This can be one of the many factors that discourage communication, fueling your fear of being cheated. Give your partner a place where they can be honest if you believe they are finding it difficult to make time for you. If they don’t feel the same kind of love and interest they once felt, then you can reflect on whether it’s just the time barrier or something more serious. Good communication is the key here. So rather than keeping it all to yourself, make sure to let your partner know what you expect. Also, discussing schedules and figuring out when you can make time for each other can be beneficial. No matter how we feel about someone, we cannot control their behavior. Even if you treat them well, you might not get the same in return. So taking care of yourself comes before anything else, particularly when you’re feeling drained or frustrated. Try giving yourself some time to reflect before acting on your best judgment. Taking some space will also help you deal with confusion. When you communicate, you can express how their actions make you feel. Your partner needs to hear you out and be accountable if they’ve wronged you. Also, I think you should take some time to contemplate if you want to keep this relationship going. If you think your partner is being inconsiderate and the relationship affects your mental health then maybe it’s time to move on. And don’t worry about other people’s judgment. They don’t know what you have been going through. Whatever confusion you’re having right now is completely valid. There’s always a reason for feeling sad and isolated. Your partner may try to gaslight you but stick to what you have to say and take a firm stance. Trust the decision you make. Just remember, your feelings and mental stability are more important than anything else.
Author: Aditya Dangol