Mind Matters | Accepting myself for who I am
I’m a 28-year-old man, and I’m struggling with letting my family know about my sexual orientation. I came to terms with it years ago, but I haven’t told my family yet. I know they will be reluctant to accept me for who I am. On top of that, they have been urging me to get married, which makes me even more anxious. I don’t know what to do or how to have a conversation with them. Please help!—L.M.
Answered by Aditya Dangol, Counseling psychologist, Happy Minds
Letting your family know about your sexual orientation can be a difficult process, especially when you are concerned about their acceptance and support. You are in an emotionally vulnerable state, so feeling anxious is natural. But remember that, at the end of the day, it’s your life, and you deserve to live that life being true to yourself and the way you are, regardless of others’ opinions.
Coming to terms with your sexual orientation is a courageous thing, especially because you run the risk of rejection or lack of acceptance from your loved ones. I understand that it’s not an easy journey, but remember that you aren’t alone in this. Hiding your orientation from your loved ones might make you uncomfortable. So, it will be helpful to reach out to people/groups with similar experiences, so that you have a place where people can understand what you are going through. Everyone needs emotional support, and this could be how you get yours.
But sometimes, talking to a complete stranger about your problems, no matter how similar both of your situation is, might not be what you are looking for. In that case, talking to someone who you think will be able to understand and support you can be an option. Yes, I do understand that it might be scary, and you might not get the answer you would like to hear. So, I suggest you let them into the conversation gradually. See how they react first, so that you know if you want to move forward with the conversation. Secondly, be kind to yourself. Having a different sexual orientation from what our society deems fit should never be a problem. You know you would say the same thing to someone going through a similar situation. So, don’t be so hard on yourself. Know that you get to choose your own partner, and it’s only you who can decide when to get married. Don’t let others take control of a decision that’s primarily yours, even if it’s your family. About letting them know, you have mentioned that they might be reluctant to accept the truth. In situations like these, it’s helpful to have a plan on how you will handle the conversation if their reaction is negative. Sometimes, we jump into a conversation without thinking of the ‘what ifs’ and the result is not always pretty. That might give you a lot of emotional shock and trauma. So, to avoid that, it’s better to plan ahead. This could include seeking support from your friends, loved ones, or people who have gone through similar experiences, who will truly understand you. Another option is to consult a mental health professional. Having a psychologist guide you through this will keep you at ease. They will help you start a conversation with your family, if that is something you are ready to do. They will provide you with much needed emotional guidance and support, along with coping strategies and resources to help you manage your anxiety in a healthy and productive way.
Author: Aditya Dangol